❤️ Graduating with a Masters degree in 2019, at 40years old, is not what I had in mind 20years ago! ❤️
👎🏻I had planned to continue my honors level academics into the masters level and beyond, immediately after my 2001 BS achievement.
However my brain temporarily derailed me!!!! 🧠👎🏻
Perfectionist Mindset Set me up to Self Destruct
☄️It didn’t come easily, I had to study hard to earn those high marks, but unfortunately I still wasn’t happy with myself if I scored anything less than perfect. As you could imagine, I was often sad, because there is no such thing as perfect; I was chasing perfection! Years and years of self-sabotaging, negative thinking caught up with me. Depression, anxiety, add, ocd... I trained my brain to defeat me and it finally crashed.🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥
I was enrolled in higher education in 2001, but as I would sit in class listening to the words being spoken I couldn’t hear anything but noise, I’d stare at the pages in my book or at the slides on the screen but only see a design, no words, no meaning.
It was awful... I went from high achiever to under achieving. I was failing, I dropped out, and really felt like a failure.
Here I am, 2019, a graduate of the Masters program almost 20years later and a whole lot of lessons learned between then and now!
I am so thankful to be able to focus, read, and comprehend, again! Although there are situations that cause symptoms, I know how to take control or let it roll. I had to, and continue to, really work to retrain my brain, basically re-wire it to be a positive thinker, to be courageous, have hope, be proud even with imperfections! I had to take control of anxiety, depression, and ocd so it stopped controlling me! It stills messes with me, but I won’t let it take me out!
Everything we endure has purpose, their is always a lesson involved. We can keep fighting, continuing to try again, using the same attempt over and over, only to be let down by insufficient results or we can look for the lesson and re-direct from a different perspective. We can choose a different direction and forge another path that may eventually lead back to our previous path or we may never return but be lead to more opportunities than ever imagined.
Life had so many other lessons for me before I could get back to academia!
I feel like I’m ten years behind, but I’m ok with it!
Every one of us have our own story, our own timeline; our journey is unlike any other! Being behind on my timeline doesn’t equate to failure, it’s my story, unfolding as it should!
Before I could be any good to anyone, I had to first believe in myself, I had to learn to lose the negative echo that followed me everywhere I went; you’re not good enough, you don’t fit in, you’re ugly, fat, boring, they’re probably talking about me, I shouldn’t have said that... I can go on and on!!!
I literally had to train my brain to think differently!
The thing is, it is possible to achieve what you desire,
it is possible to lose the negative echo!
It is possible to be proud of who you are,
what you look like and what you do!
Consider gratitude, attitude, and self love
Big contributors to creating a new mindset!
Do I still struggle with depression, anxiety and ocd? Absolutely! Is it easy? Not at all but it’s not going to stop me from continuing to strive toward achieving my goals! It may slow me down, but it won’t stop me!
It’s amazing what we can accomplish when we set our minds to something. If we truly want something, we will find a way. It’s all about a “mindset.” Positive is Powerful!
Onward!